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Joke of the Day

"Her: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! Me: *puts naked Barbie away. 'It's not VooDoo if that's what you think! Her:Freak! Me:Did you feel--anything?"

"What's the difference between a porcupine and a BMW? The pricks are on the outside of the porcupine."

"Why did the kid with muscular dystrophy want to be an astronaut, a doctor, a lawyer, and a NASCAR driver when he grew up? He had a lot of aspirations."

"No matter how often I scream METALLICA in the poolside DJ's face I don't think he's going to play them. Here come the police they'll help me"

"I asked Santa for a Frisbee when I was a kid.... But I was an only child, so he gave me a boomerang."

"Why did the tomato turned red? Because it saw the salad dressing"

"My uncle has one leg. He's got a second one as as well. But he also has one"

"What do you get if you try to cross a mouse with a skunk ? Dirty looks from the mouse !"

"I lost my virginity to a girl on her period. The foreplay gave me cotton mouth."

"""Yeah, well your dog isn't a rescue, your snacks are processed and everyone knows you're vaccinated"" - how a kid talks shit in 2015"