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Joke of the Day

"Her: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! Me: *puts naked Barbie away. 'It's not VooDoo if that's what you think! Her:Freak! Me:Did you feel--anything?"

"Please don't bore your friends with your troubles and worries. Tell your enemies instead, who will be delighted to hear about them."

"Rick astley will let you borrow any movie from his collection of Pixar films except one. He's never going to give you Up."

"Cop: FREEZE, DON'T MOVE!!! Me: *stops moving* Cop: GET DOWN ON THE GROUND Me:... Cop: NOW! Me:... Me:... Cop: for the love of god...unfreeze"

"Having sex on when your so is on her period isn't funny. You guys are just bloody dickheads."

"What's the best thing about having insomnia? Only one nights sleep til Christmas!"

"Me: I have to lose weight. Me: I'm gonna exercise everyday. Me: I'm gonna go on a diet, eat healthy and hit the gym. Me: Is that cake?"

"""Did you hire a wedding photographer?"" Sure did! *a dog with a gopro strapped to its head runs by*"

"U can give out anything on Halloween it doesn't have to be candy last year I gave a kid my cable bill it was awesome he paid it & everything"

"Why did Stephen get an A on his test? He held his teacher at gunpoint and forced her to give him a good grade despite the fact he got an F."