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Joke of the Day

"Iguanas feel love but don't marry ..know why? Cos to Mariguana is illegal."

"Apparently, Cesar Milan, the Dog Whisperer is divorced. I guess she was the only bitch he couldn't train."

"Why doesn't Santa have any children? Because he only comes once a year, and when he does, it's down the chimney."

"Babe, you're like a camera. Everytime i look at you, i shutter."

"[first date] I'm sorry, I fiddle when I get nervous ""That's okay"" Yeah.... *jams out epic fiddle solo for the rest of the date*"

"Look into a dog's eyes while it's pooping and you'll understand Nietzsche."

"Wife asked me to get ""bath stuff"" for xmas. Hope she likes her toaster."

"Government Shutdown: Day 4 3am: Monkey House, National Zoo A door crashes open. A triumphant screech. Ben Stiller escapes into the night."

"Do I have a plan for the zombie apocalypse? I don't even have a battery in my smoke detector and fire is real."

"My neighbor said his dog was impregnated by my dog Django. I said ""No way, bro."" ""The 'D' is silent"""