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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a snake that works for the government? A civil Serpent"

"I got this really good lifeprotip while in the shower, but I forgot it when I dropped the soap. Ah, now I remember what it was. Never pick up the soap when showering in a prison."

"The closest I get to exercising is when I trip on the sidewalk and pretend jog for like 10 feet."

"Do you know a good veterinarian? Got asked this by a friend the other day. Hey, do you know a good veterinarian? <he starts flexing his muscles> 'cause these puppies are SICK."

"I farted on the train and 4 people turned around. Felt like I was on The Voice. (Not an original joke)"

"The horse name is Friday A cowboy rides into town on Friday, stays three days and leaves on Friday how does he do it? The horses name is Friday"

"This morning there was large spider in my bath. I should really stop stealing equipment from the snooker club."

"You will go to hell for reading this. How do you make an 8 year old girl cry twice? After you're done wipe your bloody dick on her teddy bear."

"My son used to check under the bed for monsters. So once I hid under there - so he'd see me and laugh. Anyway, child therapy is pricey."

"A guy walks into a bar... *clang!*... he says ""ouch"" and ducks next time."