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Joke of the Day

"Why didn't the airline passenger check his vulture? Because it's a carrion bird."

"Next time you're swallowed by a whale, stand up through the blowhole like it's a sunroof on a limo. Throw your arms up. Have some fun!"

"it's raining and my gf has been staring at the window for about an hour.. i should probably let her in."

"What do vegetables watch when they're feeling frisky? Cornography"

"I missed the first day of Fight Club But the second day was really enjoyable, I would recommend it."

"What's the difference between an airplane and an abortion? Only one doesn't fly after coming into contact with a hanger"

"Don't be offended if someone doesn't reply to your text. Their phone is probably just ""on silent"" or ""right in front of their lying face."""

"A woman is like a suitcase: both hard to carry and a pity to throw away."

"Just saw a homeless guy yelling at his shadow. You know what that means right? SIX MORE WEEKS OF RECESSION!"

"What do you call the Jewish Jamaican singer responsible for pouring the wine at synagogue? De Canter"