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Joke of the Day

"What do you get if you flip a Mississippi family's photo album backwards? An episode of The Biggest Loser"

"Knock Knock Who's there? Allah Allah who? Allahu Ackbar! /r/unexpectedjihad"

"My wife phoned me, panting and breathless. ""Where are you?"" she moaned. ""I'm at the pub."" I replied. She said, ""I think the baby's coming!"" I said, ""Well, he won't get in. He's underage."""

"You know what I hate? People that start their statements with rhetorical questions."

"Two bookworms were having a dispute... ...across an open book until one bookworm moves closer to the other and says, ""well then, I'm glad we're on the same page."""

"The baby in the car next to me is either unable to control his arms or hes throwing me gang signs. Im not taking any chances. *locks doors*"

"Sometimes, when I'm bored, I tell my mother-in-law to relax."

"ME: I fell in the shower. HIM: Send pics"

"""I'm on the Reich track baby, I was born this race."" -Nazi Gaga"

"I bet the bear from The Revenant would have been nominated for an Oscar... If he was a Polar bear"