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Joke of the Day

"Two bookworms were having a dispute... ...across an open book until one bookworm moves closer to the other and says, ""well then, I'm glad we're on the same page."""

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"Bus stop A man with three eyes, no arms and one leg is waiting at a bus stop. A bus pulls up. The driver opens the door and says, ""Eye eye eye, you look armless enough, hop on!"""
"I was in a band.. called ""Missing Cat"". You might have seen our posters."
"Boob Size Grades A ---> Almost Boobs B ---> Barely there C ---> Can't Complain! D ---> Damn! DD ---> Double damn! E ---> Enormous! F ---> Fake G ---> Get a reduction!"
"Cop: ""Are you driving under the influence?"" Me: ""No."" Cop: ""Say the alphabet backwards."" Me: ""Tebahpla eht."""
"ME: long time no see! I heard you're a doctor FRIEND: I am. what do you do now? ME: [glances down at open twitter app] I'm a writer"
"Got bucked off my high horse. Now I only have contusions of grandeur."
"The inventor of the throat lozenge died today... There will be no coffin at the funeral."
"What do vegan zombies eat? GRAAAAAIIINNNNSS!!! :D"
"I'm feeling like a country Hungary"