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Joke of the Day

"Professor i'd like an extension on my paper. why? well my ex just got married & i have to comment ""lame"" on all her wedding pics on facebook"

"So I told my secretary.... to go buy me a fighting stick, but the best he could find was a walking stick. Honestly you can't get the staff."

"Whoever said nothing is impossible is a liar. I've been doing nothing for years."

"I still wake up hoping that class is cancelled."

"Did you hear about the Jewish boy... ...that asked his father for $5? His dad replied with, ""FOUR DOLLARS?! What the hell do you need $3 for?!"""

"""This is mine"", he growled passionately into her ear. ""Are we clear?"" Breathlessly, she agreed. She wouldn't try to eat his nachos again."

"There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men: ""don't"" and ""stop""."

"I gave my wife a tip how she could wash the dishes better. On a side note, Dawn detergent is really starting to make my hands more soft."

"People keep saying I need to be more assertive Is that okay?"

"Whats the worst part about sex with children? Cleaning the blood out of the clown costume when you are finished."