171998

Joke of the Day

"What did the terrorist say to the waiter after his meal? ""These hot wings have made me a ticking time bomb."""

"Confucius say: Man cannot run in front of car forever. He get two tired."

"Why are dogs such terrible dancers? They have two left feet."

"So, #Dorners ID was found in San Diego a week ago and then unmelted in the burned down cabin? sounds legit."

"Why did the soviet plane crash? It was stalin"

"ACTORS' TIP: can't afford headshots? run a red light and use the photo they mail you. as a bonus you can add ""driving stunts"" to your resume"

"Math Teacher: ""If I have 5 bottles in one hand and 6 in the other hand, what do I have?"" Student: ""A drinking problem."""

"A Pixar movie about Marlin trying to put his son through fish college called Funding Nemo."

"I'm lazy, though. I get down to my last outfit before washin anything. You'll see me at a bar with a wedding dress on, just chilling."

"Did you hear about how the Police were called to a daycare yesterday? a three-year-old was resisting a rest"