171971

Joke of the Day

"Note to future self: Tequila is a liar. You do not sound exactly like Axl Rose & the people at karaoke will not catch you if you stage dive"

"she left me for good. what am i suposed to do now? ""...there ar plenty of fish in the sea"" OK DUDE FOR THE LAST TIME IM NOT GONA DATE A FISH"

"What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? Slow down, and possibly use a lubricant"

"2 birds talking to each other I think I need to take a shit. What are you waiting for? A car."

"I don't do hard liquor... ...I liquor hard"

"How do you stop the dog trying to hump your leg? Suck his dick."

"Why does Skeleton Soup taste so poor? It lacks body"

"A blonde walks into a laundromat... And says to a worker, ""can you wash this shirt?"" The worker did not hear her and said ""come again?"" The blonde than replies ""no it is mustard this time"""

"I'm afraid of Spotify ruining music the way Facebook ruined friends."

"Today I was on Crimea St It was flooded."