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Joke of the Day

"almost hit a biker while i was texting & driving today so please you guys be careful do NOT ride bikes"

"Why did the scarecrow get a promotion ? Because he was out standing in his field :)"

"Someone tried to sell me a coffin today... I told them its the last thing I need."

"What's a Pedophile's favorite brand of shoe? White Vans"

"Q. What do you call a ginger bread man with one leg? A. Limp Bizkit. (limp biscuit) (Alternate: What do the British call a cookie that got wet?)"

"""Have you seen the film constipated?"" ""No?"" ""Has it come out yet?"""

"If someone shows up at my house unannounced, I won't open the door. I just stand on the other side of the glass shaking my head no."

"what did sam smith say to the popped balloon ""you've been so uninflatable..."""

"A skinny guy with a 6-pack is like a fat chick with t*ts. It doesn't count"

"Why people don't offer chair to Sean Connery when he comes? Because he shits on it."