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Joke of the Day
"hello 911, yeah me again. so listen 29 of my recent tweets have been stolen and.. hello? hello?"
Next Joke
"A man goes to the vet about his dog's fleas. The vet says: 'I'm sorry, I'll have to put this dog down.' The man is incredulous and asks why. The vet says: 'Because he's far too heavy.'"
"What do you call a nap in computer science class? A CS-ta"
"Great slogan for an abortion clinic... No Fetus Will Beat Us!"
"Doctors seem to have cornered the market on so-called ""medical advice."""
"A guy is with a hot girl and gets a boner Girl: Is that a weapon in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? Guy: Both, it's a weapon of ass destruction."
"[reading test results] ""It looks like you're gonna be just fine"" [nurse whispers in ear] ""Lol my bad u got like 6 weeks"" -Steve Harvey M.D."
"How can you tell if a redditor is a pedophile? When you make an ELI5 post, you end up receiving a dick pic."
"How many conspiracy theorists does it take to change a light bulb? Nobody knows. Except me."
"For the New Year, I vow to take a selfie at 720p.m. It's a decent resolution."