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Joke of the Day

"My nieces just asked me if God is real. I'm tired so I'm just going to show them ""The Exorcist."" This babysitting stuff is a breeze!"

"Tonight's bedtime story was about three pigs struggling with repeat home invasions. Thanks for the new fear."

"A boring joke I totally understand how batteries feel because I'm rarely ever included in things either."

"*pokes forehead* Is this thing on ?"

"Told my friends I couldn't make it to happy hour. Didn't tell them it's because I want to sit around sans pants and eat cheese for a while."

"I thought ""#2 pencil"" meant a poopy finger. Guess that explains the low test scores."

"I swear to drunk im not Patrick."

"Why do butter substitutes have such a hard time? Because they're always being marginalized!"

"Have you ever had Ethiopian food? Neither have they!"

"I live in fear of finding hidden cameras in my house & not being able to explain why I do all those random karate kicks directed at no one."