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Joke of the Day

"Mumford & Sons! It's your cousin, Marvin. Marvin & Sons. You know that new sound you're looking for? *holds phone to a boiling pot of water*"

"What's a pilots least favorite holiday? May Day!"

"Yo mama so fat ...I find myself attracted to her in a very sexual way. Is she seeing anyone?"

"What did the black kid say to his mom when he had diarrhea? Help! I'm melting!"

"What do you have if you don't have a Kia? A Nokia."

"A man walks into a bar. It knocks him out cold."

"kids can't play outside b/c of the miniscule chance they'll be kidnapped. at age 16 they get keys to a 2000-pound machine powered by fire"

"Dad jokes are amazing/beautiful/magical things!! People today seem to thing dad jokes are cringe worthy but being a dad i feel i must speak out!! So what arr your best dad jokes?"

"what's the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer? the taste"

"Saw a Mime doing his gig. I reached into my purse and pretended to throw money in his hat."