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Joke of the Day

"[First Date] HER: I love dogs. ME: [Trying to impress her] Waiter, give us your finest Labrador - medium rare."

"The two secrets of life 1. Don't tell everyone everything you know."

"When my mum was in labour.... When my mum was in labour, my head got stuck in her fanny and the midwife had to pull me out. That's how excited I was to see my little brother."

"I just bought a round of shots for everybody, but they're being totally ungrateful and saying they don't even have tetanus."

"I sit in the corner eating my tortillas completely confused by this salsa class."

"What do nuclear physicists eat for lunch? Fission Chips."

"What do you call a Christian who visits shrines? A roamin' Catholic."

"Fun prank: Find a sleeping spider, crawl in its mouth and lay your eggs. Turn the tables. Give nature the finger. Live it up."

"I cannot stand sitting beside a racist person. because its impossible to sit and stand simultaneously.."

"Where does a dog go when his tail falls off? The retail store"