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Joke of the Day

"Father: You've got 4 D's and a C on your report. Son: ""Maybe I concentrated too much on the one subject !"""

"How does a cow add and subtract? With a cowculator."

"My signature move is having my phone connected for hours to a charger that's not even plugged in."

"I have an EpiPen. My friend gave it to me when he was dying, it seemed very important to him that I have it."

"I got a $400 ticket for playing pokemon GO in the car today. Most expensive in-app purchases EVER."

"What starts with N, has two Gs in the middle, and has no business wearing a pointy white hood? Your noggin"

"What is the theory behind Brownian motion of sperms? It's testicle physics."

"What is Yoda's last name? Layhehoo"

"GENIE: you have three wishes ME: make math go away GENIE: ha ok that one's on the house ME: oh so I still get three wishes? GENIE: huh?"

"How did the hipster burn the roof of his mouth? He ate pizza before it was cool."