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Joke of the Day

"This summer I'm going to go to the beach and bury metal objects that say, 'Get a life' on them. Demetri Martin"

"""You only paid for one bus fare, ma'am. I don't see how it's fair for you to take two seats just because you love pizza and cake."""

"What is green, fuzzy, and will kill you if it falls out of a tree? A pool table. [Thanks, Wagon Train camper!]"

"i told my cat i was gonna teach him to speak English ... he looked at me & said ""Me? how?"""

"How soft is Bill Gate's pillow? Microsoft."

"How come in math we are always solving for x? Because with my ex, I'm always trying to solve for why."

"Went to the zoo today. There was only one animal. It was a ""shitzu."""

"7/11 was a part time job"

"I tried really hard to make a punny italian joke. but it was impastable"

"Sometimes I'll just eat a plain piece of bread for dinner, to you it might seem like a snack... but to me it's a wholemeal."