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Joke of the Day

"The principal at my school called me in to his office today. He said ""I've just had a rock thrown through my window, are you responsible?"" No, I'm irresponsible. That's why I threw it."

Next Joke
 
"*desperately tries to get screaming newborn daughter latched onto my nipple* hmmmm. she must not realize I'm a feminist"
"I have a step ladder I never knew my real ladder...but I heard great things about him, like he supported 3 people at one time... last I heard he was In a 12 step program"
"What did Palpatine order in the drive thru? Friiiiiiies"
"So I accidentally fell onto the rope connecting my two pigs... I tore my hamstring."
"What's the difference between and egg and a wank? You can beat an egg."
"What do you call an Asian gangster wearing a blue bandana? A rice crippy."
"M: If my chip:salsa ratio isn't perfectly even, I will burn down this restaurant, I swear to God. H: This is our house. M: I SWEAR TO GOD!"
"[pick-up line] Your like perfect ionizing energy to my electrons ... You really make me excited"
"Double negatives: A big No No"