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Joke of the Day

"Jeff, a semicolon, and an Oxford Comma walk into a bar. They both had a great time."

"I once walked in on my brother having sex with my girlfriend. Needless to say I deflated her and threw her in the trash. #awkwardbreakup"

"To avoid identity theft when I die I want to be shredded."

"Mantra at the gym: When the zombies come, cardio will matter."

"A woman walked into a library and asked for a book on euphemisms. So the librarian took her up the rear aisle and let her have it."

"I used to think I was schizophrenic. But then the voices in my head said I was fine."

"My attempt at a terrible Christmas joke. What name does Jesus use when delivering pizzas? Chjesus Chrust *Thanks I will show myself out*"

"""Can I buy you a drink?"" Sure! What's your name? ""Uhh. I don't know. I never get this far"" You don't know your name? *sweats* Pants are cool"

"I don't have a friend called Louise. If I did I would always be saying ""Jeez Louise"" to her. Then I wouldn't have a friend called Louise."

"Do you know what comes after the ""just the tip"" argument? Balls.."