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Joke of the Day

"Last night I was at the bar and this guy kept yelling ""bastard"" at his pint of beer. It's never nice to witness substance abuse."

"What's the difference between a Hippo and a Zippo? A Hippo is heavy and a Zippo is a little lighter."

"A woman on death row is asked what she would like for her last meal. I dunno, what do you want?"

"Want a couple of pointers in life? 0x8130 and 0x8134"

"In retrospect, dressing as a killer whale when I was assigned to assassinate the Pope wasn't my best idea. I blame Ubisoft, honestly."

"Why is it so difficult for women to find a man who is sensitive, caring, and good looking? All of those guys already have boyfriends."

"Everybody who believes in telekinesis raise MY right hand."

"There are two cow's are in the field and the cow said moo and the different cows said that's what I was going to say!!!!! Because they are cows"

"What's do you get when you mix a zebra and a donkey? I am not sure but I think it will come out a bit zonkey"

"will you marry me? no, marry Christmas!"