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Joke of the Day

"*Queen bee in hive* ""You, go pollinate flowers"" ""You, go make some honey"" ""You, go buzz around some humans and ruin their picnic lol"""

"Politicians are like coolant... Anti-frees"

"I took my new dog to a Veterinarian. He went in Samoyed but came out Husky."

"What's the difference between a computer program and global warming? One's an algorithm, and the other's an Al Gore-ism!"

"My daughter got her dress caught in the escalator and I had to walk away fast so people wouldn't think she was with me."

"Me: Just a glass of water Scientist waiter: You mean a glass of... yourself? You see, the body is made up of ok ok sit down I'll bring it"

"How do you know you can't trust doctors and lawyers? Because they both ""practice"" their professions."

"What paint is most popular in modern buildings? Microsoft Paint"

"Get your employees to work harder by ""accidentally"" leaving articles on the printer about reducing staff."

"[First day as hitman] ME: Don't worry boss, I'll deal with him accordionly. BOSS: Wait, you mean accordingly? ME: *hides accordion* yes."