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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the accountant who daydreams about being an actuary? He craved more risk."

"I'm sure it's just a coincidence that pop music has gotten shittier since we started picking our artists on game shows."

"Hope you guys like this, it's been a tough day. I bought a pair of sneakers from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day. :("

"If God had wanted us to drink in moderation he wouldn't have put wine in barrels. #inspiration"

"I found out a friend was a vegan and it completely changed how I thought about her. It was like I didn't know herbivore."

"I was walking through the mall... I was walking through the mall, when I noticed this mannequin giving me a filthy look. I went over and decked the cunt and said ""Fucking poser"""

"Do/Be To do is to be. -Descartes To be is to do. -Voltaire Do be do be do. -Frank Sinatra"

"How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool *badum pssssh*"

"Q: Why did the kid punch the bed? A: His mother told him to hit the hay."

"What's a slut's favorite color? Whorange"