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Joke of the Day

"I asked my wife if she wanted me to do anything from Fifty Shades of Gray. She said yes - be handsome and make a billion dollars."

"Arnold Schwarzenegger just announced he's giving up the limelight to go back to his first love, pest control. He's an ex-terminator now."

"TIFU Your girl was on my lap"

"What does one tectonics plate say to another after an earthquake? It's not your fault."

"Chopped: College Edition. ""In your mystery basket: Ramen Noodles, coffee, crippling debt, a worthless degree. Chefs, you have 30 minutes."""

"Knock knock*** Who's there? Ask me a predictable question. Ask me a predictable question who? Okay. Very good. Thank you for your cooperation. You are very welcome."

"""I want a lady in a sheet and a creak in the bed"" -haunted house designer"

"What do you call a black girl with braces giving a blowjob Black and Decker pecker wrecker"

"Leaked CSI Reno script. Detective: Why did you do it Johnny, why did you shoot him? Psycho-killer: Just to watch him die..."

"If someone says they're going to quit their job to become a stand-up comedian, ... Are you supposed to laugh?"