170356

Joke of the Day

"My dad just told me I was conceived in a circlejerk... apparently things got out of hand."

"[police car behind me] Me: shit, was that a red light back there? My dog: like a light grey Me: ... My dog: if that helps"

"What's the difference between a terrorist camp and a school? No idea man, im just flying the drone."

"How do you get out of Sunday school? You tell your mom you're Sikh."

"The worst feeling in the world is being in love with somebody that knows how to untie rope and run away while you're napping."

"Why was the Redditor mad at Reddit? Because it made her wait seven minutes before posting something."

"Andreas Lubitz. Is the first German pilot to record 150 kills in 70 years."

"Coworker: I lost my phone. Me: WHAT? CW: I don't know where it is. M:*perplexed look* You're not glued to it like a NORMAL person? Freak!"

"I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her computer I saw it through my telescope last night."

"I'm so sick and tired of all the Internet bullying. ""My password is NOT weak. YOU DONT EVEN KNOW ME!"""