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Joke of the Day

"At first i was feeling a little grumpy, Then I was feeling happy, then a little sleepy and finally a little bashful. I am no longer welcome at my daughters school play of Snow white and the 7 dwarfs"

"So I called my friend turkey and I said to him ""Turkey, la gente esta muy loca. What the cluck?"""

"Scientists proved that cows don't give us meat and milk. We just take it from them!"

"Just look at the one picture I show you on my phone. Don't scroll to the next one."

"A brunette doing laundry asked her blonde friend to help her find a match for her sock. The blonde replied ''What for? Are you going to set it on fire!''"

"Desperate, I pull a goose from my bag and throw it screaming into the bully's face. Gertrude, my biggest and angriest goose, destroys him."

"The personal trainer at the gym advised me to try some resistance training. So far it's going really well. I've resisted going to the gym for six days now."

"What is a hairdresser's favorite herb? Salontro"

"It's 2016, I don't need to set my clocks back manually I just have my Negro James do it for me."

"What is the difference between a Mercedes and a Lexus? Princess Diana wouldn't be caught dead in a Lexus..."