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Joke of the Day

"I'd like my obituary headline to read: ""Local Man's Struggle With Upstairs Wireless Printer Is Over."""

"My son turns 3 in two weeks and has zero interest in potty training. I'm trying one more time and then it'll be his future wife's problem."

"Riding with Uber earlier.. The driver said, ""I love my job, I am my own boss. Nobody tells me what to do..."" Then I said, ""Turn Left."

"I'm at an age where I don't spring into action. I dead of winter into action."

"An atom loses an electron, another atom asks 'You sure?' I'm positive."

"Orange Signal Booster Network Service has a mobile phone signal booster that is specifically designed to improve the Orange Network signal."

"A wife gets naked ...and asks her husband, 'What turns you on more! my pretty face or my sexy body?' Husband looks her up and down for a moment and replies, 'Your sense of humor.'"

"Pretty sure Dora goes on crazy adventures with a monkey because her mom is on Twitter."

"If I got $1 every time someone called me a racist... Black people would rob me"

"Where can you always find money? In the dictionary."