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Joke of the Day

"Two self-driving cars, certain of their inevitable collision, calculate the Klout scores of their passengers to decide which ones to save."

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"Some people have six packs... I have a keg. My wife, however, has a goddamned brewery."
"Someday I will disappoint a burglar with my one drawer of Taco Bell mild sauce packets."
"Man escapes from insane asylum, and has sex with a girl in a laundry mat. The newspaper the next day reads: ""Nut screws washers and bolts."" Edit: Error in title: laundromat*."
"What is the capital of Greece? More than the capital of the UK."
"Hello. I am Public Restroom. Would you like some toilet paper that melts in the palm of your hand? Here, have some empty soap, my child."
"""HOW"" - dyslexic owl"
"What do a prison and a concentration camp have in common? In both people don't feel like showering."
"There's nothing louder than the end of cycle signal on a dryer."
"Stephen Hawing running for president Just kidding.....he can't run"
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