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Joke of the Day

"""Don't tell me how to raise my cat!,"" I yell at my 7 y/o daughter who's chastising me for baby birding a tuna sandwich into my cat's mouth"

"Roofing... That's a bit over the top isn't it?"

"What is Saddam Hussein's favorite band? My Chemical Romance"

"why was the chicken population so large? because it grew **eggs**ponentially"

"What is the historical significance of Sir George Stokes? He was a seminal fluid dynamicist."

"Why is ""porn"" not a standard button on keyboards yet?"

"Aside from dying withing the same week what else did Steve Irwin and Peter Brock have in common? Their last moments were spent in wild fishtails."

"My stages of drunk: 1) onstage 2) backstage 3) hostage"

"I like to stand next to a stranger on the elevator and whisper, ""I read what you said on the internet."""

"My daughter has reached that age where she's asking embarrassing questions about sex Just this morning she said, ""Daddy, is that the best that you can do?"""