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Joke of the Day

"This guy told me that playing the voilin is the best way to calm you down. I bet he never tried smashing it over someone's head."

"Just because someone says, I love you, doesn't automatically mean they love just you."

"Hot girl in the avatar, but no selfies in your pics. I'm just gonna call you ""bro"" from now on."

"What do you call a Russian tree ? Dimitree"

"Ice cream sandwich listens intently through the wall of the refrigerator as turkey and mayo whisper, ""He's not a real sandwich."""

"I recently followed a guy from Ethiopia. BIG mistake. The only thing he ever tweets about is what he's not having for dinner."

"How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh? Tentacles."

"what are the best sort of bees? boobies"

"Do you ever play a song and then realise you were too distracted to appreciate the beauty of the song so you replay it?"

"Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin... It might taste the same but that shit just ain't right."