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Joke of the Day

"Sometimes, when I am pumping gas, I'll wink at the person at the next pump and say, ""This smells terrific."""

"Why does Donald Trump take Xanax? For hispanic attacks."

"What kind of joke do peeping Toms like? In-ya-window"

"The developmental psychologists got back to us about our son. They said he's smart on paper... Unfortunately he can't read"

"I wouldn't recommend eating German sausage... It's the wurst!"

"I keep hearing about kids accidentally dying from trying to get an asphyxiation high. What happened to drugs, kids?! We still have drugs!"

"The worst thing about being in my 40's is that I can't get teenaged girls to sleep with me. It's like being a teenager again."

"Beauty & the Beast 2 is just 90 minutes of Belle and the prince shopping for new furniture after it all turned back into people."

"Q. What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name? A. You didn't hold the pillow down long enough."

"Why was the ghost sad on Halloween? He ain't have no boo"