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Joke of the Day

"""Matt, you just need to date the type of person that will always be there for you!"" [tries to date pizza] [gets friend calzoned]"

"The awkward moment when you say, ""I love you,"" then the pizza delivery guy says, ""That'll be $12.46, please."""

"Just imagine how good prescription cheese would be."

"Why do Japanese Sumo wrestlers shave their legs? So you can tell them apart from feminists."

"I love the study of languages, and am very keen in my analysis: I am a cunning linguist ;)"

"What do you call a self-absorbed trumpet player? Brasshole"

"If I died and went directly to hell it would take me a month to realize I wasn't at work."

"Happy 1 month anniversary to the 37 browser tabs I have open."

"My friend cooked up some otter the other day! It was otterly delicious."

"What do the jingle bell rock and an irritating girl with a cold commenting on a YouTube video have in common? A one horse sleigh And one *hoarse* ""slaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay"" (omg yaaaaaasssss)"