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Joke of the Day

"I cannot breath, walk, or bend over but DAYUM these skinny jeans look good."

"I am really good at making jokes. Title."

"Hey guys keep up the ""Bush did 9/11"" tweets I think the pressure is really grinding his gears"

"Some random farmer stole all of my wheat. Talk about ill-gotten grains."

"Some dude at ASU named Dean has me on his list. Honestly, I don't appreciate or understand it. Thinking about contacting the authorities."

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Bullet ! Bullet who ? Bullet all the hay and now he's hungry !"

"Depression hurts. Ask your doctor if maybe he wants to hang out Saturday night if he's not doing anything."

"Hey girl, can I have a pizza? Pizza that ass."

"*Girl attempting to count to ten* girl 1: 1....3....5....7....9.... girl 2: What the hell? Why are you skipping numbers? girl 1: Because I can't even!!!"

"They should make condoms out of bubble wrap. *pop pop* Hee-hee! *pop pop pop* Hee-hee! *pop pop pop* Hee-hee-oh! *pop* That was fun!"