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Joke of the Day

"Some dude at ASU named Dean has me on his list. Honestly, I don't appreciate or understand it. Thinking about contacting the authorities."

"If you complain about not being able to find your boyfriends name on a keychain that store will think you have a boyfriend"

"Why don't they sell aspirin in the rainforest? Because it would be economically unviable to market a pharmaceutical in such a vastly unpopulated area."

"How do you get a redneck to suck your dick? Put Ranch on it..."

"What do you get when you cross an atheist and a christian? An argument"

"Why does Michael J. Fox make the best milkshakes? Because he uses only the highest-quality ingredients."

"The sign at the McDonald's I just passed says ""We hiring"" in case you're wondering what kind of qualifications you need to have to be hired."

"Why I hate 9/11..... I hate 9/11 because my cousins died doing their favorite thing... Flying Planes."

"I'm not saying my doctor is young, but he just texted me ""2mer is B-9, woot!"""

"What is orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot."