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Joke of the Day

"I once had an altercation with a dealer in Vegas. He really had a chip on his shoulder."

"The mall crowd parts as I shuffle through after waking up naked on the food court floor. ""Too pudgy to be a terminator"" says one woman."

"A black guy walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender says, ""Hey - that's pretty cool. Where did you get him?"" The parrot says, ""Detroit."""

"This Christmas... This Christmas, Donald Trump's hair becomes sentient and nukes canada. Only one Democratic Socialist can prevent a total World War. Bernie Sanders stars... in HELL TOUPEE"

"My Grandfather had the heart of a Lion and a lifetime BAN from the city Zoo."

"-Trump's top agenda for his first 100 days in office : make everyone use ""bigly"" in conversations so he doesn't look like a fool for being the only one who uses this word ."

"Gold fish don't like being pulled out of their tank for a cuddle."

"Adolf Hitler banned 5k races but sponsored an annual marathon... ...Because Marathons are the master race."

"So I talkedto a gender studies graduate the other day. I told her I wanted a #1 combo with no tomatos or onions."

"If what people thought of you, what you thought of yourself and who you really are ever met, the three of you wouldn't recognize each other."