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Joke of the Day

"Someone called me racist for saying ""black paint"" I disagreed with him, since pointing out the color of paint does not infer anything about my opinions of different ethnicities"

"Lance Armstrong got emotional during his Oprah interview, but numerous sources are reporting that he used performance enhancing onions."

"What does a lesbian pirate say? Scissor me timbers!"

"What do you call a black man in a tree? Branch Manager"

"chewing tobacco must've been a hard sell: Do you like nicotine but hate smoke but love to spit smelly wet chunks of leaves? Well guess what"

"""Mum! Dad's got his cock in the biscuit barrel!"" ""Don't worry, he's just fucking crackers."""

"What's the difference between marriage and identity theft? At least with identity theft you know you're getting fucked."

"[company meeting] Manager: $5000 in office supplies have gone missing. We are making some changes. Me: [in paper clip chainmail, sweating]"

"The soldier survived pepper spray and mustard gas He is now a seasoned veteran."

"ted cruz looks like he puts ketchup all over his fries instead dipping them"