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Joke of the Day

"Someone called me racist for saying ""black paint"" I disagreed with him, since pointing out the color of paint does not infer anything about my opinions of different ethnicities"

"My gran keeps banging on about the dangers of the modern world, apparently when she was young she never had to secure her back entrance. What a slag."

"Is Google a woman? I can't even finish a sentence without it coming up with other suggestions."

"If I went back in time I'd tell myself... ""Don't wait until 29 to become a stripper. You get to be naked, drunk and get paid for it!"""

"To all those people who said I would be an unfit parent, have you seen the little guy lately? Cause that would be a big help, I seem to have misplaced him."

"What is a Mexican astronomer's favorite food? A Quasar-dilla."

"What do you call a cow that doesn't give milk? A Milk Dud."

"Why isnt Monica Lewinsky voting for Hillary? The last Clinton left a bad taste in her mouth."

"Some say that the Mongols created the first iteration of the Ideal Gas Law. After all, they were pneumatic experts."

"The inauguration ceremony should be like the olympics. They can play the US national anthem, then the Russian one."