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Joke of the Day

"Why isnt Monica Lewinsky voting for Hillary? The last Clinton left a bad taste in her mouth."

"How did the hipster break his neck? He jump off the diving board before it was pool."

"Political analyst said the way to defeat ISIS is to cripple them financially so maybe we can sneak into Syria and build them a Whole Foods."

"Bouncer: ID please Me: I got socks for Christmas Bouncer: ...okay Me: and I'm genuinely happy about it Bouncer: so sorry come on in"

"How do fish make calls? On a shellphone! My 7 year old self was very proud of coming up with this one...."

"Did you hear about the lazy perfume-maker? He made no scents."

"My Dad says that the soda can is half empty.... We call him Pepsimistic."

"During an appointment, a doctor tells his patient, ""You have got to stop masturbating!"" The patient gets concerned and asks, ""Why? Is it affecting my health?"" ""No! I'm just trying to examine you!"""

"""Room Service? Can you send up a towel?"" ""Please wait someone else is using it."""

"Gynecologist: ok, I just need you to open up... Me, interrupting: As a middle child, I never felt good enough. Gynecologist: Um, your legs"