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Joke of the Day

"And Jesus said unto John ""Come forth and receive eternal life"". But John came fifth, and won a toaster."

"My New Year's resolution is to stop eating so much candy, so I can focus more on cookies."

"""Homie don't fleek doe,"" I say to a group of teenagers, hoping it means something."

"What gets bigger each time I watch a stripper? My debt."

"When my doctor told me that I am able to astral project at night... ... I was beside myself"

"Why is Ashley Maddison the best hook up site on the Internet? Because everyone got fucked."

"I lost two things today... Job in a morgue . . . . . . . . . . . and virginity"

"What's the best part of dating 28 year olds? There's 20 of them!"

"Why did the atheist fail algebra? He didn't believe in higher powers!"

"Where did the newlywed horses stay? In the bridle suite!"