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Joke of the Day

"""I should probably start filling this thing out."" -I say about my son's baby memory book on his wedding day."

"What do you call a fat girl with a rape whistle? Optimistic"

"I always keep a water spray bottle next to my bed in case a cat burglar breaks in."

"Wife: How many women have u slept with? Husband: Only you, Honey. With everyone else, I was awake."

"Mom, Daughter and Neighbour Daughter: ""Hey mom, I just found out the guy next door has a penis like a peanut."" Mom : ""Really! Is it that small?"" Daughter: ""Nope. It's salty!"""

"I'm at the age where ""pop, lock, and drop"" is about my knee giving out instead of dance moves"

"What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? You don't tell her anything anymore, you've already explained twice."

"What's the difference between having a job and being a homeless drug addict? One takes over your life and turns you into brainless zombie and the other one makes you homeless."

"Once Upon a Time Is a brilliant series"

"Injections are just like your wedding night A little prick and then it's all over"