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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend said to me... ""If one day, you want to run away, just let me know..."" Turns out she meant together."

"I lost twenty pounds by making sure that three times a week I get a good hour of doing crystal meth"

"What happens when Keemstar and Ricegum have a baby? He's born with Diss-lexia"

"How do you get a fly out of the kitchen? Shit in the living room"

"I'm just a naked guy in an elm tree noticing the creepy way you stare at me through your bathroom window."

"""Shelley's coming over."" ""Shelley from work or Shelley who was raised by gorillas?"" *gets hit in the face with poop*"

"Did you hear about the psychic dwarf that escaped prison transport? The police spokesperson said they have a small medium at large."

"It should cost $87 to leave someone a voicemail."

"If 5 black slaves had sex... Is it considered a threesome? I'm going to hell for this."

"The scariest thing about survival of the fittest is that it means the idiots currently surrounding you are the best evolution has to offer."