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Joke of the Day

"Why was little Billy so sad when his friends played on the swingset? He had no arms. Sorry that joke was stupid, let me try again. Knock Knock ""Whose there?"" Not Billy"

"So my 10yr old & her friends were talkin about 'seizures' in class & this random kid yells out 'I LOVE their breadsticks!' Can I adopt him?"

"It's been so long since I've gotten laid My sperm's starting to grow legs."

"Neighbor may have just called the cops after hearing me yell at the cat for stealing my cheese bread"

"Last night, during sex, I suddenly stopped and didn't move... She was like, ""What the hell are you doing!?"" And I was like, ""Hush baby, I saw this on PornHub....it's called 'buffering'."""

"There are two types of people in the world... Those who pee in the shower and dirty feckin liars!"

"Why do we all marry? - because romance is not the only element of life, we should also know horror, terror, suspense, irony, stupidity and tragedy of life!"

"What does Laquisha have for breakfast? Plan B"

"I tried to smuggle LSD across the border using my ass The bag broke, then I had the shittiest trip"

"Life would be more fun if every time we sneezed we lifted off the ground a few feet and came back down in slow motion"