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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean? I wouldn't pay $300 to have a garbanzo bean in my mouth"

"A blonde went to buy 2 bananas The seller told her that he didn't have change and asked if she wanted one more, the blonde responded ""Okay, i will eat one""."

"What is the best part of a blowjob? The 15 minutes of silence."

"9am: protein shake, oatmeal 1pm: small salad, chicken breast 5pm: grilled salmon, spinach 9pm: 4 whole ""i don't give a shit anymore"" pizzas"

"*ding* This is your captain speaking. We... Is this what my voice sounds like? Nobody told me! Haha, wow, weird. We're out of fuel."

"A man hobbles into a McDonald's and walks up to the counter. He proceeds to place his order of 1 hot fudge sundae. The cashier asks him ""Crushed nuts?"". ""No."" He says, ""Hip replacement""."

"What do you call a crush on a fat person? An inFATuation"

"I don't really know how to tell jokes"

"What do politics and orgies have in common? A bunch of dicks and cunts trying to screw each other."

"*Maybe try dressing up as SpongeBob this Halloween, since you're so self absorbed.* -Me as a therapist"