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Joke of the Day

"Math problems for smartypants-s What is the square route of an EMU? A RADICAL EMU!!!!!!"

"I met a girl at a soccer game... ...I think she's a keeper"

"How do hens encourage their football teams? They egg them on!"

"I'm getting mixed signals from this girl first she is like ""sorry I'm married"" then it's ""leave me alone I'm married"" I mean which is it"

"It's hard to stop being depressed Because gravity is always bringing me down."

"A blind guy walks into the kitchen.... ...and picks up a cheese grater. Runs his fingers up and down the grater: ""who the f*ck wrote these stupid things?"""

"ME: [practising my samurai sword moves in the mirror] [ever so slightly later] ME: [dying from massive blood loss]"

"When I got pregnant people would always say 'eating for two now are we?' I'd tell them to bugger off, I'm not cutting down."

"Ordering at McDonald's & the cashier asked if my child wanted a Happy Meal. I explained the toxicity of equating consumerism with happiness."

"Women are a lot like tennis rallies Occasionally, a back hand is needed to stay in control"