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Joke of the Day

"Me: Diets suck. Why I gotta do it too? Her: No I in team Me: Isn't 1 in diet either. Her: Yes there.. Me: I'm too hungry for your mindgames!"

"A new study shows dolphins have great memory. Memories include ""Swam in water"" and ""Ate""."

"coworker: those are some crazy socks me: well I guess th- socks: THE GOVERNMENT RECORDS ALL OF OUR PHONE CALLS & IS HIDING UFO EVIDENCE"

"My boss just asked me why I wasn't working.. ..i told em cuz I didn't see him coming"

"They say there's a person capable of murder in every friendship group. I suspected it was Dave, so i killed him before he could cause any harm."

"I don't trust people who keep their jackets on after they've arrived. That's what I do when I'm going to escape."

"Whenever I see a hot girl on the streets I'm like HOLY CRAP I'M OUTSIDE."

"What does Justin Timberlake say when he's going to the bathroom? ""It's Gonna Be Pee"""

"What do you call a masturbating cow? Beef strokin' off."

"Are you on Facebook ? Cos I sure would like to Poke You"