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Joke of the Day

"'I just call it like I see it...' -People giving their unsolicited opinion about their unsolicited opinions."

"I won 300 million dollars in the lottery and decided to donate a quarter of it to charity. They sent me a letter saying ""thank you for your 25 cent donation""."

"The future, past and present walk into a bar... Things get tense."

"I've been taking my Flintstones' vitamins daily, but I still can't start a car with my feet."

"Cop - ""sir, are you a salamander?"" Me - [is 9 inches long. enjoys a mixed diet of earthworms, flies, beetles and vegetation]"

"Time I spend listening to music 54 seconds. Time I spend untangling headphones 17 minutes"

"My brother wanted me to watch his kid So I spent HOURS and HOURS childproofing my house. Wouldn't you know it? That fucker still got in."

"I LOVE THE IDEA OF BOWSER LOVINGLY FOLDING A FLYING RACCOON SUIT AND PUTTING IT IN A TREASURE CHEST FOR ME TO FIND IN HIS DUNGEON."

"Why don't British people pronounce their T's? They left them in the Boston Harbor"

"A guy walks into a bar ouch If you didn't get it think about in literal terms"