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Joke of the Day

"I want to be the reason you look down at your phone and smile, then walk into a pole.."

"Why can't t-rexs do push ups? Because they have been extinct for 65 million years."

"In Canada, every board game is called ""Sorry!"""

"What do you call two banana peels on the floor? Slippers"

"Alien: take me to your leader. Me: They all suck. How about I take you to this place I know where you can get amazing mini donuts?"

"April showers bring May flowers, but do you know what May flowers brings? Pilgrims."

"I found a cheap prosthetic arm on Craigslist Secondhand"

"How many hipsters does it take to screw in a light bulb? It's an obscure number, you wouldn't know it."

"There's nothing funny about leaked celebrity nudes Which is good because it's hard to masturbate while laughing."

"If con is the opposite of pro... It must mean congress is the opposite of progress."