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Joke of the Day

"Me: *gets in pool* Come on in. 4-year-old: No, there might be sharks. Me: 4: Me: 4: Me: *gets out of pool*"

"What do you call an orange elephant? Call it whatever. It is not like it is gonna have a problem with that."

"What makes a salami excited? When the ham is cured!"

"Ok everyone enough of your ""family"" time, come back to the internet. We are your real family."

"FACEBOOK: Hey, remember me? I'm a girl you met in college, in that one class. We never really talked. Anyway, here's 97 pictures of my baby."

"How do you make pickel bread? With dill dough"

"Why can't , melons get married? Because they cantaloupe."

"I just watched a puppy do something really cute. It was like a real life YouTube video."

"HEADLINE: Recent Studies Show Old White Dudes Possibly Becoming Obsolete. ""This is bad for everybody,"" say Old White Dudes."

"Turns out she has a boyfriend.. I see this hot girl wating for the bus so I got over there and said: ""Hey, you are fucking hot!"" and she is like: ""Have you seen Taken, if not - look at me""."