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Joke of the Day

"I bought a nice 12 year old scotch yesterday. His parents weren't pleased."

"What is the opposite of Christopher Walken? Christopher Reeve."

"Why did Hitler fail math in high school? Because he could never get to the Final Solution."

"All women are crazy but if you pretend to listen to them when they talk, they will let you live."

"What did the dyslexic Satanist do? He sold his soul to Santa."

"They say alcohol cures everything, but that's a lie... It still hasn't cured my alcoholism."

"With all this anti-drug propaganda going around, how do you know a D.A.R.E. representative is lying? His lips are moving."

"Big shout-out to slugs! Those little guys are out there everyday, doing all the same stuff as snails but without helmets."

"My friend recently tried to get appointed chancellor of Germany but failed. I told him he was literally worse than Hitler."

"Daughter: Daddy, can you tell me a bedtime story? Me: Sure, once upon a time your mom & I used to get enough sleep. Then you came. The end."