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Joke of the Day

"(new york guy murmuring ""eyy im walkin here"" over and over in his sleep) aww hes having a dream where hes running"

"*puts on layers of running gear* *makes a ponytail* *laces up sneakers* *drives to McDonalds*"

"Why is Alabama the smartest state? Because it has four A's and one B."

"How do you tell which nurse is the head nurse? shes the one with dirty knees"

"So I peed on my phone last night man was I pissed."

"*holds pen ready* ""How many zeros in one million?"" ""Six"" ""Ok, thanks"" *writes milli000000n*"

"I want to open a Reserve to breed, arm and train West Lowland Gorillas to fight Jihadists. I'm going to call it Boko Harambe"

"Optimus Prime: so it's settled. I'll be a huge cool truck, Bumblebee you're a camaro. Any questions? [Dan the station wagon raises his hand]"

"""Should the cabin lose pressure oxygen masks will drop from the overhead area. Please place the bag over your own mouth and nose before assisting children or other adults acting like children."""

"Ugh, I just finished eating at a restuarant, and some patronizing waitress kept asking if I wanted another shaker! It was so insalting!"