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Joke of the Day

"How can you tell if Chuck Norris ate rabbits the night before? He has claw marks on his forehead."

"Why does Michael J. Fox make the best milkshakes? Because he's very well off and he can afford the finest ingredients."

"Why did the Space Marine shoot the Tailor? The heretic kept crossing the warp"

"Q: What does Bill Clinton have in common with former great Presidents? A: Absolutely nothing."

"The moderator needs a spray bottle. Each time someone interrupts, they could just be like: ""NO! BAD PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE! BAD!! *spray*"

"Worst thing about having a one-syllable name: Every ""Happy Birthday"" singer stretches it out awkwardly to fit the song. ""Paaaa-aul"""

"Going to an event tonight and wearing a tuxedo. A real tux, not one of those cheapo ones. Seriously, this thing is made with actual penguin."

"How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh Ten-Tickles. ... I can't stop"

"Helped my son flush his betta fish today. He asked ""Dad, does God love bettas?"" & I said ""Dunno, son, ask him after we flush you."""

"Police: THIS IS THE POLICE! OPEN YOUR DOOR NOW!!!!!! Me: Not with that attitude."