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Joke of the Day

"Lost dog. Missing: Three-legged dog. Distinguishing feature: Falls over when it pisses."

"No matter how prepared you think you are, a retractable vacuum cord will always find the weakness in your defense."

"ariana grande looks like she was designed in a lab by japanese perverts"

"My son wants to change his given Indian name, so I told Broken Condom he could change it if he really wants to. Kid's these days..."

"What game do reindeer play in their stalls? Stable-tennis!"

"I love it when corporations have a sassy ""human"" Twitter presence, like their CEO wouldn't cut your mom's throat for a nickel."

"I hate to toot my own horn, but: [sad trombone]."

"A girl posted on FB: ""Sum 1 Cum 2 ma house nd sav me frm boredom"" A guy replied: ""sending an English teacher immediately"""

"There are two types of people in this world. And I hate them."

"Tarzan doesn't have a beard. Yet he lives in the jungle for over 30 years."