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Joke of the Day

"Whoever coined the term Downward Spiral should have made it sound a lot less fun."

"It's mean to give a homeless person money for food without giving him money for a phone too... How do you expect him to Instargram the food?"

"My waiter asked, ""would you like sour cream, bacon and chives on your potato?"" ""That's a loaded question."""

"Apparently Pistorius wanted a new bathroom door, but his girlfriend was dead against it."

"I'm very serious about my cereal. I'm all about that Life."

"I once dated a girl with a sledgehammer fetish She was pretty *eh* looking, but the sex was smashing!"

"I fucking hate gravity It keeps pulling me down"

"Did you hear about the guy who is addicted to drinking brake fluid? It's okay though, he said he can stop whenever he wants."

"Q: Why did the fly fly? A: Because the spider spied her."

"Why doesn't Hillary Clinton work out? She doesn't want to Feel the Bern."